Music, my Mother, and watching those two Italians.......

The other night I went to see Il Sogno Del Marinaio, the new band/project that involves Mike Watt and two wonderful gentlemen from Italy by the name of Andrea Belfi (Drums) and Stefano Pilia (Guitar). You can go to www.hootpage.com to get the rest of the story on the backdrop, but here's my say. Leading up to this show, I have been stagnant. I have been complacent.  I have been uninspired. There's MANY things that can account for all of these emotions and adjectives, and I'll get to them in a moment. I was also very excited to finally meet Hiyori H.M., she's REALLY good people, and I ran around a bunch before the gig getting a welcome basket together for the band. Some  sweets, some booze, a couple of funny "mind puzzle" things as time-wasters, and I loaded up my Kindle for them as well, which I'll hopefully pick up in Pedro this Spring.
I made it in to say hello to Hiyori and got myself set up right as they came on. I had purposely not listened to any of the music, as there are times when you want to get surprised by a first time, and this was no exception. As they played their way through their set, Watt stayed back by the drums, and I had my whole focus on Andrea and Stefano. I watched how they kept their eyes locked on each other as they played, as if their lives depended on it, just to make sure those notes landed right. In the first third of the set, I had one of those rare "first-timer musical moments" that I'm betting a LOT of my peers know about and have had themselves. You're in the middle of a show, and you take a mental (and perhaps physical) step back and go "Holy SHIT, I am experiencing something amazing and wonderful, and I choose to let myself be taken by this at all costs." I've had it happen before, with Slovenly, when they opened for fIREHOSE in Columbus, Ohio, and with bands from my hometown like The Generic Beat, The X-Whites, Tripod Jimmie and The Wiggling Judys.
As I watched and listened, I got to thinking about some things, kind of heavy-duty stuff, and here's some of that to tell....
 I was thinking about my friend John, one of my two best friends since 15 years old. He would be hosting the band in a couple of days in Columbus after I reached out on their behalf. He was an incredible hardcore drummer who has now become a GENIUS of a bass player. We hadn't talked much for a LONG spell, supposedly over some perceived bad blood, but I realized I would kill ANYONE who ever harmed him, if for nothing more than the fact that the night I met him and the OTHER member of the Unholy Trinity, one Dave Pruyn, some crazy things happened. First words I said to those two? "Man, this band SUCKS!" (Friction, a local metal cover band) Second thing was a few slugs of Jack Daniels by my car, and at 16 with a brand-new license, I should have had neither of those things, but I did. Third thing was a room full of gear I had, cause I was trying to start my first band, but no luck. I invited them over the very next day, and in less than 24 hours, we had written our first song and were officially a band! I realized that whatever petty bullshit went down had to have not been worth fucking off on the last 10+ years of friendship, and resolved to cement it again by actions.

Watching the Italians play reminded me of that.

I was thinking about my son, and how I would want him to know me when he grows into adulthood. I'm not going to go into it, but a therapist once asked me to ask my Pop a question, "What kind of husband, father, man did you raise me to be?" He couldn't give me an answer, which was a REAL disappointment. (We've since cleared this up. I think...) I realized that I wanted Will to know most about the traits of respect, love, trust, and MOST importantly the ability to live with complete and utter regard for artistic freedom in all of its guises, be it art, music, writing, photography, WHATEVER! To know that he will always be pushed to go out and have at it, LIVE and LOVE and to pursue anything he wishes, as long as he does not hurt himself or others makes me happy.

Watching the Italians play reminded me of that.

Finally, I was thinking about my Mom. She's got Stage 4 cancer, and she's watching the calendar mighty close these days. She's getting ready to go see her Doc and get scans to see if all the chemo they've pumped into her will have prolonged her stay on the plane or not. If yes, then a possible future of pain, exhaustion and no taste, but living, which I will never begrudge her. If no, then she gets to decide on surgery/more chemo/experimental things, etc. My Mom and I have disagreed on SO MUCH during my lifetime, and once, recently, when I needed her the most, she didn't side with me, choosing to agree with someone who wasn't family. I was devastated. BUT, as I listened to "Auslander", which just had an AMAZING video by Hiyori HM debuted, I realized how selfish I was being, the circumstances of her bloodline coming to America, and even though I was adopted, how I was ALWAYS her own. The allegory to the song and to the two men I was watching was amazing. Adopted by the fans of the U.S., having musical disagreements and fighting through them in real time on stage, and most importantly the smiles when it went down correctly. I thought about my Mom not being on this plane in the middle of this song and burst into tears. Hard to hide in the middle of a music venue, but thank God for stage lighting.

Watching the Italians play reminded me of my Mom, and all the things I am grateful to her for.

So here I am. Complacent, unaware of my own position, unable to sleep, eat right, all of it. Thinking about Il Sogno Del Marinaio's performance and the emotions said performance brought out in me finally brought me HERE.

1-Running the Chicago Marathon on 10/12/14, shooting for 5:30. I literally have not trained ONE MILE for it due to apathy and stupidity and wondering what a few select people were thinking about me. Muscle memory, like that of a musician, will take me through safely. And those people, FUCK THEM! And, any pain involved in this marathon will be immediately numbed by the reminder that there's a nice old lady in Erie, Pa. who TRULY knows what pain feels like, and I will then continue to put one foot right in front of the other.
2-Running the Columbus Marathon on 10/19/14, shooting for 5:00. I literally have not trained ONE MILE for this. Just see above. I can't wait to see John, and I can't wait to see my amazing, powerful ultra marathon running, Clif Bar Pace team coaching sister Star. We didn't even know we had each other until 2001, but that's a story for another time. Any pain involved in this marathon will be to burn off all the crapola with John and forge a tighter bond with my sister. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other.
3-I haven't worked in a LONG time. I got fired from my gig, (long story) and have wallowed in depression and apathy. NO MORE. I want to start my own practice, and despite what others might have to say about that, that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do. I no longer will stand for not being supported in making this happen. Starting this process tomorrow by calling BCross/BShield.

All of this from one show, one gig, one experience. I love music, I love what it gives, and I love that it always reminds me of what and who I really am, not what I might necessarily be trying to make myself out to BE. It motivates in many ways, be it anger, fear, disgust, outrage, or simply the desire to stand up and go "HEY! I have something to say, and HERE it is! In the key of "A" for anger, motherfuckers!" I am happy to have had this experience, and happy to share it with you..

To Andrea, Steano and Watt? Graze Mille!
And to all of you? I Love You...
xo-pk